always be prepared for water balloon fights

So much has happened since my last post. But I suppose that's the nature of the beast, right?

So, I finished my time over at Northlight Theatre. During my time there, I was given a promotion from Leadership Director to Assistant Camp Director which was thrilling and exciting. At the end of my time over in Skokie, I had some of my good friends from college come by for a whirlwind weekend for Lollapalooza. Absolute brilliance. It was so good for my best friends to see where I had been living for the past three months. :)

Now? Well I've moved from the Lincoln Park neighborhood to a basement apartment in the Lakeview neighborhood. It's just two red line stops North from where I used to live, and I'm right next to the Theatre Building Chicago....I think that's standard here. You're never more than a block away from a theatre. (Steppenwolf was right outside my old apartment.) Having theatres all over the place is both promising and teetering on the edge of an over-abundance. (It depends on if your glass is half empty or half full.)

I'm now working over at the Goodman Theatre as the fall Education and Community Programs intern. I work with amazing, challenging people who really love the art they create and the process they are a part of. It's both inspiring and intimidating, but I love working in the heart of downtown Chicago. I'm also planning on working with Dog and Pony at Steppenwolf for their Visiting Company Initiative as the Assistant Producer and Assistant Stage Manager. How I'll factor in time to sleep, I'll never know.

I have learned so much about myself in the past three months. It's a bit hard to verbalize, but I know that I have so much more to learn as well. Here are ten things I've learned since I came to Chicago in May:

1.)Wrigleyville on Saturday nights are optimal times to get kissed by homeless people. (But never use tongue. My friend, Chris, told me that this was a sign of weakness.)
2.)Always be prepared for water balloon fights. Because they will happen to you when you're wearing a nice dress, walking on the sidewalk.
3.)Do not stare wide-eyed at celebrities, especially if they are coming into work with you.
4.)Do not use the greeting "Hey Boo..." at work. This is okay in college, but this is not okay in an office setting. Trust me.
5.)Guerrilla theatre can be really fun. Especially when you play an oxen named Jezebel. And were asked the night before to play this part.
6.)Nine-year-olds know more than you do. I promise.
7.)The first time you're really sick (like, H1N1 bad) always happens when you're states away from your mother.
8.)Set caution to the wind and take yourself out of where you are most comfortable. I have learned more about myself since I have moved here than I have in years of college.
9.)Downsize your belongings. My life can fit into two suitcases, which is good because I have no idea where my life will take me next.
10.)Sometimes you miss your family and your best friends from home, but then you know that love will keep you together. (...and tacky postcards. you know. same thing.)

I miss the word home.

It’s been over a month since I graduated from TCU. Since that time, I’ve moved to Chicago with only one suitcase. I’ve been in Chicago for over two weeks now, working full time as an outside contractor as the Academy’s Leadership Director at Northlight Theatre in Skokie.

I sleep on a borrowed twin bed. My bedside table is plastic and borrowed from my Aunts. My desk is my roommate’s folding card table from our back porch. My lease is up in August, as well as my contracted job. I have no plans thereafter as of yet, although I am trying to find some.

I drink organic beer from Trader Joe’s called “Simpler times” on my back porch. My room is decorated with $5 maps from the bookstore next door. I’ve finished two books since I’ve been here already. A homeless man tried to kiss me the first day I was alone in the city. If I stand in the exact right place in my apartment, I can see the Sears tower out of my kitchen window.

I feel this is going to be the most interesting time in my life.



I asked a dear friend of mine what the meaning of home was to him. He first said it was where your stuff was. Well, most of my stuff is in Texas, I replied. He then said it was where you sleep. If that’s the case, I think I might have slept more at my Aunt’s house in the past few weeks of being in Chicago than in the apartment I’m renting.

When does a place become your home? When I studied abroad in London, I had to keep a journal of daily activities that my professors would read. My professor would wait for the day when we would call our flats our home. She would circle it in the journal and write “Ah HA. London is your home as of (whatever date it was.)” I remember mine being pretty early in the game.

My grandmother was moved from her home of decades in Connecticut to Texas with my family out of sheer necessity for health reasons. Her home is in boxes in my sister’s old room. Her home is repainted, refinished, and being bought. I wonder what it feels like to be tied to something like that. I wonder if I’ll ever let myself feel that. Maybe not.

I miss when the word home meant something. In the past week, I used the word home in reference to Fort Worth, to Bedford, to TCU, to my place in Chicago, and my Aunt’s place in Skokie.

I fear that I will never have a location that I can call home. Either of my own or in a generality. People will shift and move, and I will have no ties to the former places that I called home. I suppose that’s the terrifying part of this time. I have no ties. I only owe myself this time.





“But still I smile because I need to look strong.
And all the while I soldier along.
I wanna find me from where I’ve begun.
But I’m afraid to be who I am,
Who I want to become.”